Here are the new social media apps you can’t miss.

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AOC: A social media platform that live streams all of AOC’s other social media accounts. It is not expected to be fully deployed until 2024, it will be in Beto version for 2019-20.

BitWhat: The social network for remembering how much money you were worth when the virtual currency you bought — but whose name you can’t quite remember now — was really worth a lot of money.

Faceoff: A social network allowing people who have deleted their Facebook accounts to stay in touch with friends and family, post photos, links and status updates, and access news, while being able to tag their Instagram photo and WhatsApp chats with #DeleteFacebook.

MyParentsSpace: A social network designed for under 18s to discuss how they use cooler social media platforms than their parents. The Premium subscription for the API is becoming extremely popular with data scientists working for hedge funds trying to predict when to short Facebook shares.

NoMoAd: A new social network that promises not to charge advertising money or subscription fees. How will he make money? Block chain.

Pay Coach: A fully encrypted payment network for parents of high school students and coaches of obscure sports at elite universities.

Read it: An anonymous social media platform for people who like to read books only in paper format to talk bullshit about people who read books in electronic format. Readit will be split into separate “sub-reads” to talk bullshit specifically about people reading books on cellphones, tablets, Kindles, Amazon Fires, the Nook and that thing.

SchadenFeed: Lists of bad things that happen to people who were mean to you.

SlowGram: IRL platform to share photos with your friends and family right at their home. Originally named PostOffice before key rebranding in summer 2019.

SlapShot: Straight out of Ottawa, SlapShot allows the user to customize the front of a hockey puck with their favorite team’s logo (top right corner), hashtag (bottom right corner), food ( lower left corner) and player number (upper left corner). You can then “shoot” the puck at up to five friends per day, who can choose to send it back (swipe up), pass it to someone else (swipe down), block the shot (swipe left) or let the shooter know they’ve “scored” (swipe right). In a development no one could have predicted, the platform is quickly becoming more popular with singles than hockey fans.

sputter: It’s like Twitter, but for people who are angry about certain things. (Faced with a potential lawsuit from Twitter for intellectual property infringement.)

YouSnooze: It’s like Twitch, but with videos of people watching C-SPAN.

Hats off to my wife and kids, who spotted quite a few before me.

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